whoever the story needs me to be (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fullupwithfire) wrote2022-07-04 02:09 am
fullupwithfire) wrote2022-07-04 02:09 am
the year's halfway done, and what have I got to show? a lot of reciepts and no personal growth.
.... Hi, I'm not dead yet.
As usual, I run around phases with social media, and it's hard for me to be active more than one place at once. And I have been active on other places, largely tumblr and Discord, because I've found corners of people who... I don't know if I'd say I made friends with many people, but people who I have had positive interactions with? Which is nice, but makes it hard to add more places to the mental roster. Hence, disappearing for almost a year again.
I'm trying to think of big noteable things that have happened since, and I can't say there's actually that much of them. I went to California to see my heart-sister for the first time in like five years in December, and that was marvelous; I got to be there and hug her on her birthday, and it was amazing, even if I desperately hate how high LA is built. My brother was in a local production of Newsies this winter; I auditioned for their next show a couple of weeks ago, and did not give in, but I did the audition, and I feel like that's worth applauding.
I finally straightening out health insurance, after years of trying to get that ball rolling, at the end of last month. My first appointment since I left Florida is on July 18th, and I'm starting the process of looking for a therapist. I'm not exactly looking forward to trying to find an in-person queer-friendly therapist in small-town Kentucky, but at least I'm trying.
Health-wise everything else is about the same as it's ever been. I got Covid in January and it took me out for most of first two months of the year, but I think I'm mostly at normal now. Depression comes and goes, and probable-ADHD still kicks my ass three weeks out of every month at least, but I'm surviving as best I can. My birthday just passed (literally two hours ago, as I write this), and the birthday-depression was minimal this year, so that's been nice.
I keep wanting to start using a new name, and very few people actually use any of the ones I've used before for me anymore, but every time I sit down to try and think about one, I go completely blank. I may come back and babble on this more thoroughly at some point in the future, but right now it's just a thing that's been on my brain a lot.
Still living with the whole family. My cat has been with us a whole year as of this week. She went over the course of about five months from hiding constantly, to being a little skittish but mostly loving, to just being the most affectionate lap-cat. She spends basically all her time either curled up between me and my computer, on my mother's chest, or on the rare occasion my brother lets her in his room, on his lap. She's spoiled and happy, especially once we worked out what her massive food allergies were and started being extremely careful what we feed her.
On creative things, I am... honestly doing better than I have since I was a teenager. My tabletop games unfortunately spluttered out -- I need to get back and plan a new session for the one I'm running, but between my feeling ill and the players having issues, it has not worked out yet this year. But I'm writing just... so much lately. Signed up for a bunch of exchanges, and written one of my favorite pieces ever for one of them so far this year; started tearing down and rebuilding a bunch of original stuff; have a ton of actual fic WIPs in my folders, instead of "WIPs" meaning "I've thought about it, but not written a single word", and I think I'm about to hit 10k on what I'm currently writing and actually complete the fic for the first time... maybe ever? Most of that is for an extremely small fandom that nobody I already knew is into, but I'm having so much fun in this tiny fandom, and I met a very nice person who really loved my writing who's even been betaing them for me. It feels really, really good, and even if some part of me still feels like I could be doing better, it's easier to drown that out than I think it ever has been.
And... yeah, I think that's about it! Love to everyone, and hope everyone is doing well, and going to give poking around more often a better try. We will see how it goes.
As usual, I run around phases with social media, and it's hard for me to be active more than one place at once. And I have been active on other places, largely tumblr and Discord, because I've found corners of people who... I don't know if I'd say I made friends with many people, but people who I have had positive interactions with? Which is nice, but makes it hard to add more places to the mental roster. Hence, disappearing for almost a year again.
I'm trying to think of big noteable things that have happened since, and I can't say there's actually that much of them. I went to California to see my heart-sister for the first time in like five years in December, and that was marvelous; I got to be there and hug her on her birthday, and it was amazing, even if I desperately hate how high LA is built. My brother was in a local production of Newsies this winter; I auditioned for their next show a couple of weeks ago, and did not give in, but I did the audition, and I feel like that's worth applauding.
I finally straightening out health insurance, after years of trying to get that ball rolling, at the end of last month. My first appointment since I left Florida is on July 18th, and I'm starting the process of looking for a therapist. I'm not exactly looking forward to trying to find an in-person queer-friendly therapist in small-town Kentucky, but at least I'm trying.
Health-wise everything else is about the same as it's ever been. I got Covid in January and it took me out for most of first two months of the year, but I think I'm mostly at normal now. Depression comes and goes, and probable-ADHD still kicks my ass three weeks out of every month at least, but I'm surviving as best I can. My birthday just passed (literally two hours ago, as I write this), and the birthday-depression was minimal this year, so that's been nice.
I keep wanting to start using a new name, and very few people actually use any of the ones I've used before for me anymore, but every time I sit down to try and think about one, I go completely blank. I may come back and babble on this more thoroughly at some point in the future, but right now it's just a thing that's been on my brain a lot.
Still living with the whole family. My cat has been with us a whole year as of this week. She went over the course of about five months from hiding constantly, to being a little skittish but mostly loving, to just being the most affectionate lap-cat. She spends basically all her time either curled up between me and my computer, on my mother's chest, or on the rare occasion my brother lets her in his room, on his lap. She's spoiled and happy, especially once we worked out what her massive food allergies were and started being extremely careful what we feed her.
On creative things, I am... honestly doing better than I have since I was a teenager. My tabletop games unfortunately spluttered out -- I need to get back and plan a new session for the one I'm running, but between my feeling ill and the players having issues, it has not worked out yet this year. But I'm writing just... so much lately. Signed up for a bunch of exchanges, and written one of my favorite pieces ever for one of them so far this year; started tearing down and rebuilding a bunch of original stuff; have a ton of actual fic WIPs in my folders, instead of "WIPs" meaning "I've thought about it, but not written a single word", and I think I'm about to hit 10k on what I'm currently writing and actually complete the fic for the first time... maybe ever? Most of that is for an extremely small fandom that nobody I already knew is into, but I'm having so much fun in this tiny fandom, and I met a very nice person who really loved my writing who's even been betaing them for me. It feels really, really good, and even if some part of me still feels like I could be doing better, it's easier to drown that out than I think it ever has been.
And... yeah, I think that's about it! Love to everyone, and hope everyone is doing well, and going to give poking around more often a better try. We will see how it goes.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject