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fullupwithfire) wrote2019-05-10 06:40 pm
fullupwithfire) wrote2019-05-10 06:40 pm
I am too tired for subject lines.
This morning (well, early afternoon) I woke up to my alarm, hit snooze, and two minutes later was dragged back to awareness by my brother calling to tell me he was just off work and coming to pick me up. (He works about five minutes away.) Turns out my mother asked him to pick me up after work on our vague statement from earlier this week that I might come by today if she needed me, and never actually called to tell me that I was going to be picked up or when.
Some phone calls back and forth (which reminded me of how terrible my family is at communication) and a small freakout later, the upshot of it is I am not seeing my mother today, though I'd be more pleased by that if I wasn't almost certainly seeing her before the end of the weekend. I need to help her do things, though, because if I don't, who knows who will, and they need to be done for camping next week, so if they go undone, the shockwave of her breakdown is going to ripple through everything for a good long time, and ruin the campout for everyone.
The other effect of this is that it threw me off completely for the day. I slept like shit before this happened, and I was too tense to go back to sleep, but I haven't really gotten out of bed til now either, and I still feel super off, and I'm both pissed at my family for throwing me off like this and at myself for not recovering quickly enough.
So it's a fun day.
I need to work at least a little, but I did hit my minimum hours for the week; I'm just trying to build up a little extra, because my paycheck drops the first day of the campout, so having some spending money would be nice. There's always some really neat stuff at these things.
On the other hand, I am tense and twitchy and want to bury my head in music and do something mindless. Or possibly TTRPG stuff. My brain is... slightly fixated on that, which is not a bad thing, except for how I feel like I'm going to lose the fixation before details get worked out to start things and then fail to actually get things underway. (I don't actually think that's going to happen, but I worry.)
Some phone calls back and forth (which reminded me of how terrible my family is at communication) and a small freakout later, the upshot of it is I am not seeing my mother today, though I'd be more pleased by that if I wasn't almost certainly seeing her before the end of the weekend. I need to help her do things, though, because if I don't, who knows who will, and they need to be done for camping next week, so if they go undone, the shockwave of her breakdown is going to ripple through everything for a good long time, and ruin the campout for everyone.
The other effect of this is that it threw me off completely for the day. I slept like shit before this happened, and I was too tense to go back to sleep, but I haven't really gotten out of bed til now either, and I still feel super off, and I'm both pissed at my family for throwing me off like this and at myself for not recovering quickly enough.
So it's a fun day.
I need to work at least a little, but I did hit my minimum hours for the week; I'm just trying to build up a little extra, because my paycheck drops the first day of the campout, so having some spending money would be nice. There's always some really neat stuff at these things.
On the other hand, I am tense and twitchy and want to bury my head in music and do something mindless. Or possibly TTRPG stuff. My brain is... slightly fixated on that, which is not a bad thing, except for how I feel like I'm going to lose the fixation before details get worked out to start things and then fail to actually get things underway. (I don't actually think that's going to happen, but I worry.)
no subject