we can be like they are, come on, baby

[fullupwithfire]

I haven't been saying much lately, partly because I don't feel like I have anything to say, and partly because even when I do, saying things seems hard, or like they're better unsaid. Brains haven't been their best lately, especially in the self-esteem and connecting-to-people departments, and I'm just not sure what to do with anything lately.

I'm trying to get something work-like going, and may have hit a couple of work-from-home things that will work. I'm also tentatively trying to poke some editing-shaped stuff, but we'll see; I need to make myself a site for it, but my brain keeps freezing up hard when I try to figure out what to put on it or, worse, what to call an acceptable pay rate. And I need to finish getting the apartment in order properly.

It's getting colder, which is really nice. I'm trying to fight the urge to do NaNo, since I still don't know how settled I'll be in November and have no idea what to do, but it keeps sounding tempting.

I thought I had more; I don't think I do. But I'm trying, because I really hate how isolated I feel, I just don't really know how to break through it.

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

♥

would reaching out to you help? Or does that just increase the pressure to interact?

[silveradept]

Much solidarity on trying to get the brains to reach out to other people and arrange social gatherings and such.

[fullupwithfire]

It's... complicated, and unfortunately that's all I've really got, because I'm bad at working out the guidelines for what I need. >< I don't mind if you want to reach out? I just... may not be the greatest at responding in any timely or indepth fashion, because as much as I hate isolation, I also get kind of panicky at the idea of talking people.

... Hi, I'm a mess, I'm sorry, thank you for being willing to deal with me. ♥♥♥

[fullupwithfire]

♥ Much, much hearts and sympathy. People are so hard.

[worlds_of_smoke]

I'm kinda the same way, tbh. Only reason I reply quickly is because I don't do anything but sit on my computer. :P So I'm not going to be bitchy and demand a fast reply or an in-depth reply or whatever. Conversation is hard, especially with social anxiety.

Hey, no problem. We can be messes together. XD ♥

[fullupwithfire]

I mean I don't do much either, I just tend to do it while staying off of messengers, because people. XD But I'm very glad you're okay with it if I'm a little rocky. Because I do very much like you, it's just the talking to people part I have trouble with. ♥

[flybirds]

Can I say your wee bits of completely deep and loving responses were awesome? :)

I mean, it is not only what is said, but by who.
You are not failing at peopling. And you don't come across as uncaring or arrogant or anything the like.